Hey all, I had a major deadline to hand in so I apologize for my being awol once more, I’ll try to keep it weekly. This is an extended chapter because of my being awol. Enjoy!
We’re getting to the juicy bits, the bits that I get a bit nervous even when typing, let alone speaking about it.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning on the 26th of February, the sun had come out though the cold still went through my spines, it was a confusing morning for me. I had just skipped a weekend away in Wales to be a part of the Church’ valentines program, here I was trying to be a responsible youth secretary but you know, the devil and his cohorts were trying too, but I thank God for victory.
I was supposed to do a spoken word or give a short message and by the leading of the Holy Ghost, I went for the short message, I had everything written down, the title of the message and all, then confusion set in, I started bothering my head about the revelation I had about Bro K, probably because it was valentine season, lol and all I could feel God talking about was patience, but it wasn’t forthcoming.
Not to sound monotonous, but truth be told, I was there again in by bedroom, trying to figure things out myself. So many questions ran through my mind “should i speak to Bro K about the revelation? (NO!) Should I get him a present? Well… our youth leader had said we could buy gifts for those we cared about and to be honest, he probably meant people already in relationships or the guys buying for their love interest. But no! Esther wanted to do things her way!
Though, I was supposed to attend Church and stay for the valentines program, I was pushed to go to redeemed, something I still cannot understand. I went there in all black, that was what I was to wear to serve in the choir at my Church. I had a pretty white dress with red flowers in my bag to change into because the colour theme of our event was red, I changed after the service and did the what I will call, “God, if your will is this then do this”. I was like if Bro K is the one for me, when I call him, he will pick me” I’m actually laughing at myself right now! People are truly destroyed because of lack of knowledge!
So I sent him a text, the text sounded like I was in danger and my ‘prince charming’ was to rescue me. Join me and say “ewo” haha. He came to pick me from my house and off we went to Church, we were late.
Oh, an interesting point will be to note that I packed almost all my christian books in a bag, the initial plan was to share them among the youths, I’m a giver, so sometimes I tend to over do. So while in the car with ‘Prince charming” I gave him all the books. I don’t know what I was thinking o, I’m sure even God and His angels were laughing!
So we got in, the event had started and our Pastors wife was speaking about love and stuff, and after wards, this lady that liked Bro K, gave him a gift, it was obvious that I was…not happy. I spoke to Pastors wife about the “revelation” and and she said to be patient, the same word from that morning, I also told her about the lady that brought the gift and she advised me not to worry that I should focus on growth and Gods will would come to pass, but…I did not listen.
It was just Bro K and I parked in front of my house, he was a bit inquisitive about the books I gave him and didn’t hesitate to tell our youth leader right in my presence but a bit jokingly.and then I opened my big mouth…
“God said you’re my husband” it was a very big mistake. You would think I stopped there but I went on and on about how God spoke to me while I was in a fast, your girl was like a running tap. I told him all I could remember, it was the silliest thing ever, those things you can’t quite feel the impact until moments after. I respect what he said …”time will tell” and it seemed cool and we also promised not to tell anyone is. Bro K is a kind young man.
I got into the house knowing I disobeyed God out of an emotional whim and I began to sense that I made a big mistake, I tried to shrug it of but it didn’t go, it grew into feelings of shame.
I felt so ashamed and lost my pride, and because of how ashamed I felt, it affected my relationship with God and even people, it adversely affected and how I saw myself, carried myself and how I spoke, I lost my value in his eyes, everything began to crumble because when one’s identity is attacked, everything else fails, I believe. I let the whole thing get to me, the once confident and bubbly Esther was in a well of intense shame and confusion. That single act of disobedience cost me a lot, it robbed me physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, academically, in my ministry, my gifts and I even went back to my old sin. that’s why the bible says obedience is better than sacrifice… We shall continue next week!
Photos from Zees Nigerian Cuisine: @zeesnigeriancuisine on instagram! FOLLOW US, thanks!